he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
sex in a hospital.. check
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
