i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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