So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
