he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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