my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
