At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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