You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
