i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
