i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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