Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
