I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
All the doctor said was why
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
