im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
