Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
