too bad you live with your parents still
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
