She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
