Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Soap is not a condiment
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
