I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
