btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
