I think i peed on brittanys purse
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
