My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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