Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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