whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
