I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
