i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
