Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
