You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
