my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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