sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
