I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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