According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
