I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
