You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
