No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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