There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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