drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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