I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
