the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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