After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
