she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
