I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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