just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
