We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
