The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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