I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
