i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
