The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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