remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
