she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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