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my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize