I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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