Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
