I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
