remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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