she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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