I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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