Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
