i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
