just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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