I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
