this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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