Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
