God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
