So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
