help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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