She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
