oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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