Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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