non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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