he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
