Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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