Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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