what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
